Learning....

It hasn't been easy---the last two months since Dad died. Being with someone for 41 years and watching them suffer and fade away is heart wrenching. But I am doing ok, and learning to go on. It's hard picking up all the chores he did, such as mowing and shoveling snow, and cooking---Dad loved to cook. I have good neighbors, who have mowed and shoveled without me even asking, and have asked nothing in return. Certainly a nice batch of homemade cookies or fudge will be in order. Many people have reached out to me. I have been blessed several times already.

I think one of the hardest things is knowing Dad never realized his dream to retire in southern Indiana. I am thankful for the wonderful few days we spent in Paoli in the spring of 2009. Would I move there alone? I don't know. There are so many things to consider. The area is isolated. There is a hospital, but specialists are many miles away in other cities. I would also be further away from friends and family up here, and the drive would be long for me, and through some very curvy roads. I do need to get out of the city, though. It won't be easy. First step---clearing out clutter so I can have an appraiser look at the house. It's a bit of a fixer-upper, so I'm treading on shaky ground here. I could be in for a big disappointment.

Today is Veterans Day

I would like to salute the Veterans in my family:

My Grandpa, Frank senior, with his bugle, which I have :-) I never met my grandpa because he died when my dad was a teen. He suffered from mustard gas exposure in a battle at the Argonne Forest in WWI.

My Dad, Frank junior, bombardier and navigator on a B-17 in WWII. He fought in the European Theater.

My husband, boilerman on a destroyer, the USS Porterfield, served in Vietnam

Honoring the Fallen Soldier at my husband's funeral:

To the American Legion, Allied Post 369, Thank You

I was sent these amazing statistics in an email:

WORLD WAR I

(1917 - 1918)
Total Service members (Worldwide): 4,734,991
Battle Deaths: 53,402
Other Deaths in Service (Non-Theater): 63,114
Non-mortal Woundings: 204,002
Living Veterans: 1


WORLD WAR II
(1941 - 1945)
Total Service members (Worldwide): 16,112,566
Battle Deaths: 291,557
Other Deaths in Service (Non-Theater): 113,842
Non-mortal Woundings: 670,846
Living Veterans: 2,079,000


KOREAN WAR
(1950 - 1953)
Total Service members (Worldwide): 5,720,000
Battle Deaths: 33,739
Other Deaths (in Theater): 2,835
Other Deaths in Service (Non-Theater): 17,672
Non-mortal Woundings: 103,284
Living Veterans: 2,507,000


VIETNAM WAR
(1964 - 1975)
Total Service members (Worldwide): 8,744,000
Battle Deaths: 47,434
Other Deaths (in Theater): 10,786
Other Deaths in Service (Non-Theater): 32,000
Non-mortal Woundings: 153,303
Living Veterans: 7,569,000


GULF WAR
(1990 - 1991)
Total Service members (Worldwide): 2,322,000
Battle Deaths: 148
Other Deaths (in Theater): 235
Other Deaths in Service (Non-Theater): 1,565
Non-mortal Woundings: 467
Living Veterans: 2,254,000


WAR ON TERROR
(2001 - PRESENT)
The War on Terror, including Operations Iraqi and Enduring Freedom are ongoing conflicts. For the most recent statistics, please visit the Department of Defense Web site.

Some of the Good Times

Dad got to visit just about all of the states. I think the only one he never saw was Alaska. When he was a boy his parents traveled and camped everywhere, national parks, camp grounds. Dad had lots of childhood memories. His dad also built a cottage in Wisconsin. Dad helped. I think he said he was 16 at the time. Dad loved the outdoors. He fished and trapped for fur, which he tanned himself and sold. Dad and his good friend Mike used to run a trap line which they checked before school, maybe after, too, but I don't remember. That's when there were more woods here. At one time Dad and his friends built a log cabin in the woods behind the university here in town. Then it was found, I think by the National Guard, who have a location near the same woods. They used it for practice and burned it down. Dad never took me into the woods, even though most of them are still there, between the university and the expressway. He said they were often wet and hard to navigate.

When Dad brought me here, we landed at the airport and his parents picked us up. They had been staying at the cottage in Wisconsin. They drove up to their house here in town, but we didn't even go inside! Grandma went in to drop off laundry and pick up clean clothes, then we headed back to Wisconsin. It was a 4 hour drive.

Times at the cottage were most wonderful to me. It was paradise. We could fish on the pier with our morning coffee. I never fished before, ever. Grandpa taught me how. Across the Slough were trees. No cottages were ever built there because it was swampy there. We spent many lazy summer weekends there, and even a winter night each year for the fireman's ball.

Well, since the family no longer owns the cottage, it's safe for me to mention publicly that it was near Briggsville, Wisconsin. Since Grandpa was a retired fireman, he was friends with the volunteer firemen in Briggsville. In the middle of winter they had a fireman's ball, and Grandpa and Grandma were always invited. Well, my first winter in the Midwest after moving from California was a real trip. My so called "coat" had no lining. My only shoes were dress shoes. Dad had to take me shopping because I was freezing my @ss off! And my toes.

The early 1970's were like a mini ice age. The snow and ice packed up on the sidewalks 6 inches thick. And Wisconsin---well---it's a LOT colder than Indiana! We spent the night in the old cottage. I say "old" because it was the first one and it wasn't finished on the inside. There was no insulation. But it wouldn't have mattered much because it had been closed for the winter and everything inside was 5 degrees below zero just like outside. The only heat was a Ben Franklin stove in the corner of the living room, which is the reason that was the first cottage. The new cottage was (is) all electric and well insulated.

Anyway, after melting quite a bit snow for washing and warming up by the fire, it did become tolerable. I don't remember much about the evening other than dining at the Pheasant Inn. We were seated near the door, and every time it opened I was hit by a whoosh of 5 below zero air! That night we slept on freezing beds. I was shivering so much I think I hovered above it. If I had to do it again I would have brought a sleeping bag!

The old cottage in Wisconsin, October 1970

Grandma and Grandpa always had company. The "payment" was that you had to write in the log. I think Dad was the one who started the logs as a fishing journal (there were several books by the time I got there). In case you are wondering, that's a canoe on the porch and a jon boat (flat bottomed) under the porch. Thankfully, when the cottage caught fire, everyone got out safely. It was so drafty the smoke didn't build up, but there was no time to grab the log books. Grandpa and Grandma, fireman friend, wife and son all were safe. It was reported that Grandpa and his friend were hopping all over in their underwear shouting directions to the volunteers, who gave it their all but alas it burned to the ground. Even the cars were blistered from the heat. I have to figure out what year that happened. It might have been in the early 1980's. The new logs might tell.

Thankfully Grandpa had it insured for much more than its worth, so he had a new cottage built with the same plans that Dad had drawn up for the first cottage. Dad's floor plan was so good that several of the cottages along the Menominee Slough have the same floor plan. The cottage has since become a larger residence (as noted by "flying" over in Google Earth). But in any case, the new cottage was much more livable, with thick insulation and all electric appliances. Instead of the open porch you see above, it was enclosed, with giant windows all across the front. It was a wonderful place to sit and look at the Slough in the sparkling morning. Usually a deer would wander by and stop for a drink, or we would hear Loons or Sandhill Cranes. It was the best of times.

Check back soon for more stories.

Progressive Losses

Side effects of the treatment and progression of the cancer created a progression of losses. First, we only thought the dream to move to southern Indiana would be delayed a year or so. But then Dad lost the ability to walk, and then to eat more than a few bites or drink a few sips. In the last month reading the paper slipped away, and then following a movie or any train of thought. He never lost his love for me, nor his concern for my well-being over his. Though I cared for him at home 24/7 (except when he was in the hospital), near the end he asked me to let his care wait, so I could rest. I didn't want to let him go, he didn't want to go, but God said it was time for him to go. Now it is time to heal and to go on, from the losses to living. Dad wanted that for me. I love you, Dave, and I will always love and miss you.

I miss you Dave

It's evening, and normally Daddy would be cooking by now. In fact dinner would probably be ready, and we would sit down to eat his creation. Dad was always having fun cooking. He liked to experiment, trying dishes he saw on TV or in the paper. Most of the time dinner was really good. Fridays were my day to make tacos, or maybe we would have pizza or Chinese. It was usually "dinner and a movie" night. If it was cool weather the pizza was homemade. Dad loved to cook something nice for Sunday dinner, maybe a beef or pork roast, or a roast chicken in cool weather. In summer he often cooked on the grill. If you search "Dinner" you will probably find some of Dad's creations.

I miss that, really really bad. I miss Dad.

April 2007

My beloved Husband

My husband passed away Sunday morning, October 3rd, a little before 8 am, one day short of our 41st anniversary. The funeral is Friday. Dad fought bravely all year. He kept up his spirits and his hope to reach remission all the way to just before the end, when finally he knew there was no more hope. He is no longer in pain, he is no longer suffering. May he rest in peace. It was my honor to care for him.

You never wanted to see me cry
You didn't want a sad goodbye
Quietly you saw us sleeping
So you left before the weeping.

by Me

----------------------

Sent to me by a friend:

God saw you getting tired
And a cure was not to be,
So He put His arms around you
And whispered "Come with Me."

With tearful eyes we watched you suffer
And saw you fade away
Although we loved you dearly,
We could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,
Laying loving hands at rest,
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best.